Top 5 Toilets to Visit in Funchal Madeira
Top Five places to have a dump in Funchal
Funchal – capital of Madeira – offers a wide range of facilities for visitors many of which are mature UK holiday makers for whom quick and easy access to good quality public conveniences is very important.
Here is a hand picked personal selection of well rated loos in the town of Funchal – all free, clean and central.
Essential Guide to Public toilets in Funchal:
- Blandys Wine Lodge – discover this place and treat yourself to an hours tour followed by an excellent value for money wine tasting. The loos are within access from a cobbled lane within the Visitor Centre but open for all for a top stop for daytime doings.
- Funchal Market – this delightful old building is crammed with vibrant colours of the flower, fruit and veg stalls is set on two floors. Visiting the surprisingly modern bogs upstairs gives an opportunity to peer down at the fresh fish market below.
- Café Teatro (next to Municipal Theatre) Cool joint but scary stainless steel surroundings – great for a late night stop off.
- Madeira Story Centre – short distance from the Cable Car station – the cafe adjoining the multimedia interactive Madeira Story Centre has small but stylish loos. It was noted that you could make a rear entry into the Centre and avoid admission charges to the exhibition.
- Funchal Casino – this ghastly building which is remarkable in that it looks a lot smaller from the inside is ideal for urgent stops on the way back to the ‘hotel zone’ in the west of town. No admission or membership required. NB Top Tip – If you don’t understand Portuguese DON’T try to play the video poker machines. It will help sooth the pain if my experience of a watching a 10 Euro note get munched up for a single play helps prevent others from spending a lot more than a penny.
By the smell of many roads and doorways being caught short for a wee is not a problem in Funchal however when it comes to a more serious Number Twos and big jobs then you might want to seek out privacy, comfort and cleanliness
Seasonal Special – During Funchal’s New Year celebration one of the world’s biggest firework displays fills the whole bay. During the distraction of son et lumiere you can drop em anywhere without any liklihood of discovery.
I wish a knew where Madiera was
Sounds like a good place to drop a load.
Well looking at fireworks is my first choice. To see the fireworks I always visit sydney on 31st night and enjoy some great fireworks and great atmosphere.
I hope the same environment is in Funchal too.
Haha! This is great, a comprehensive list of places to take a dump. This is funny to me because I have a list of my own for the numerous neighborhoods I visit throughout the week. People actually call me to see where is a good gas station to stop at or a nice fast food place to stop at with clean facilities. Regards!
What about that one golden toilet?
Although, I am not the cleanest person in Europe and not that toilet concerned, but it´s always good to visit toilets in some places,
It´s a place where u meet people, …
Personally for a number 2 I always do it home or at the place i am staying, i feel very uncomfortable!
Cheers
good old toilet humour at its finest.. why do i get the impression that most other countries would find this revolting bar the UK? Lol
This is the most …. unique tourist guide I have come across
Thanks, If I’m ever in Madeira I’ll make sure to take a dump in one of the places you mention.
Seriously though, with the lack of public toilers everywhere, this will actually be useful! Thanks
You know, it´s always hard to find nice toilets when you´re on holiday. I must admit, I even struggle in my own country sometimes! Excellent toilet list… strange, but excellent!!
This guide is a must for those traveling to funchal. One wouldn’t want to just do “it” on just any place. and it is a very serious matter.
I had never been to Funchal – capital of Madeira. The facilities being provided free of cost to the tourists will definitely boost the traffic. Such kind of facilities should be provided in other tourist destinations also. Thanks for sharing the information.
well done for creating the most bizaare top 5 or top #anything! i will however take note of your suggestions lol
Wow, I never thought I would run into a list of places to have a dump, but you know what, this is helpful. When you go to another country, that is the one thing that everyone will have to do. It’s more important than a list of good restaurants or tourist attractions.
Keep on plopping for us.
Easy access to public facilities is also a good feature of a tourists town. Though there are very few visitors who will value this feature but it is indeed. Thanks for sharing the information.
There are good, clean toilets in the cable car terminal building. Also the “Casa Touristica” shoppe has a toilet. Priceless information for the sphincterally-challenged.
philipmccavity@hotmail.co.uk
I’d have to ad that there are clean toilets on the top floor of Dulce Vida, a mall close to the town center. It’s usually quite clean and rather empty in the middle of the day. ; )
Ha ha, visiting madeira will never be the same for me again! i love the place, but never been there for new year. and guess what, that’s what i intend to do next – so I can sing the Auld Lang Sign whilst pushing one out at one of these top places to visit in Funchal !
I love that theres a blog about the best places to go to the bathroom. It would be away awesome if there was like a google earth that showed all the bathrooms everywhere.
Hahha – was just looking at booking Maderia for summer holiday for me and the wife! Will haver to keep an eye out for these attractions…!
I love this post. There are a few toilets I can recomend for a good dump!
Kirsty x
Hi your comment says that you could suggest a few good places for a dump – why didn’t you bother to take the trouble to actually list them and say why? You won’t get a link with this lazy method of commenting
Actualy to find a good “Facility” I would simply recommend that the “Older generation” walk into any good quality hotel early into their holiday and go straight to the lifts or “Blag” their way to the toilets in any 5* hotel during the day. Make a note of these and simply return to those hotels in a confident manner during the evening. Ways to do this include walking into a hotel and asking the way to the bar or restaraunt. Ask for evening entertainment or a variety of hotel related questions. When succesful keep a note of the hotels and the location of their toilets then print them on this site.
Thank you for the blogs and for the advice. It sounds very good and funny.
Toilets are place that you always visit, in all places u go.
Of course here in Frnace we still have dirty holes in the ground that you must squat awkwardly over do do your business – oh la la – joi de vive!
lol
The Internet is just a great you can get all types of information, but I have to say this takes beating well done on whoever put this information together. It’s one of these vital pieces of information that one needs when travelling. We all have to do something to keep the odour away.
As I know Madeira is call the green island – now I know why
So I do not have to be worried about dropping a load in Funchal Madeira. This post is unique!
i’m sure this list will come as a great relief to many – pun intended!
Most strange and most funny top 5 places I have ever seen. I think in the world a lots of funny places to visit