Credit due to stand up Elvis the Doonegal – I’m afraid I didn’t quite catch the name when Arthur Smith presented this on his Balham Bash 22 April.

So bish bosh bash lets have some truffle mash with the old hot sausage and mustard
Hows about a nice mascopone tart – whack it in love with the old custard

With a Um pah pah I’m the natty chef chopppin up me chillies on the telly
Wicked, Love it Superb an all that pan fried eels in jelly

Who will buy my Jack-the-lad Cookbooks?

You little tiger, Happy Days!

Dahn the old Thannet with a pomegrante a cheeky chops lyonaise
Ooozey wet polenta
dahn the job centre

Shout going out for charity

Fifteen sprogs in a kitchen – sweet
Bloomin’ gorgeous MBE

Luverly Jubberly Bubbly Beans
Best baked beans bruscetta

Seven Quid for beans on toast!!
Beans Meanz a new Lambretta

Oi Mr Sainsbury I want more Ads I’ll do anything for you me old mucker

We gotta pick a pocket or two my son – is that another cheque..well pukka