This post is best read whilst listening to Rofl ‘Arris’ Tie Me Kangaroo Down

Australia Day is the perect opportunity for our friends down under to blow huge raspberries to us miserable pommes and gloat about the quality of life they enjoy.

Celebrated annually on 26 January, the day commemorates the arrival of the First Fleet at Sydney Cove in 1788, the hoisting of the British flag there, and the proclamation of British sovereignty over the eastern seaboard of Australia.

The Australia Day celebrations in Sydney are befitting of Australia’s oldest and biggest city with events and activities spread far and wide.

Taunting the British with remarks about the high price of flights to Australia our Antipodean cobbers certainly have the upper hand in online arguments which are often started with simple jibes – what are the aussies celebrating? they lost the ashes again – which quickly escalates into our country is better than yours and chanting

What are the Australians Celebrating

This question was posed by a reader on an article about the claim that Sydney had let off the New Year fireworks early merely top pip the Kiwis to be first to get the 2010 celebrations off.  The visitor had been searching for flights to Sydney and came across the scandal that never was – Sydney it was clarified hold two displays on 31st December – an earlier one for families with children and those who like to get their head down before midnight.

Look at the pictures mate and eat your heart out. I was at the bridge and it was a stonking show.  Maybe we were celebrating the fact that 1.5million people were there in shorts and tshirts, picnics on the parks in the lovely warm weather,on one of the most picturesque and recognisable pieces of real estate in the world, looking forward to a year of endless sun and beaches, beaut women, rapid economic growth and a likestyle envied by many who are unfortunate enough not to live in God’s Own Country.

I could carry on, but you know the rest. Aussie Aussie Aussie! Oi Oi Oi!

Aussies seem hopelessly unaware of the fact that their epithet  ‘Aussie, Aussie, Aussie’ which they tend to cry out at any given moment (just in case you don’t know which country they’re from) was coined by Max Boyce with his ‘Oggie, Oggie, Oggie’ call. I could go on and on… but I’ll leave that tendency to the Australians.

And Aussies bowl underarm too

As readership of the Pasty Muncher steadily grows – you’ve seen that snappy facebook “be a fan” button? – we like to think that an occasional contribution to raising awareness of issues that afffect people around the world will encorage some sign of support – a charity donation perhaps or at the very least merely raising awareness so that as we here in the UK approach another over cindulgent Christmas some of us will at least think about the plight those far less fortunate – the many communities around the world in desperate need of assistance..

East Africa Drought – Kenya

Over on the Daily Smellygraph a surprisingly refreshing blogger, GG, asks – what does it take to make people wake up to the devastating effects of climate change citing the Kenya dought as yet another example of terrible suffering that is becoming more common throughout the world.  The numbers are staggering – 19 million people affected by the lack of rain in Kenya – entire regions devastated, cattle being slaughtered.

Is the food shortage in Kenya  famine?

Already the lack of food in the region is being reported as famine however due to the technicalities of the implication of using the term famine fundraising organisations aren’t yet able to use the term that might perhaps generate more contibutions than the seemingly softer approach of food shortages.

It would appear that once a famine has been declared alls resources from individual support agencies are pooled and controlled by the Disaster Emergency Committee – DEC – an umbrella organisation which launches and coordinates responses to major disasters overseas. It enables the British public to donate to British aid agencies – the DEC remit is to unite agency efforts in times of disaster – such as flood, earthquake or famine – wherever it happens in the world

Oxfam’s work in Kenya

Disaster relief agencies are already working to help those affected by the Kenya drought – Oxfam is trucking in clean water to communities and are also working with local pastoralist groups to buy up cattle weakened by the drought and at risk of dying – giving the herders an income, and then distributing the meat to hungry families.

In the long-term Oxfam aim to provide development projects which reduce communities’ vulnerability to the increasing droughts.

Although I will suggest that visitors consider making a charity donation to support the work of Oxfam and other aid organisations tackling the problems faced by communitiess affected by the Kenya drought I have to ask what the country and more importantly the countries that import produce from Kenya are doing to help themselves?

I found it astounding that even in times of drought Kenya exports food yet its population go hungry. The large farms that export vegetables, tea, coffe, flowers all use vast amounts of water while the population have little or no clean fressh water or food.

Shame on the Kenyan government and shame on those that buy food produced there amongst your weekly food shoppping.

Well my munching friends here’s something you wouldn’t expect a humble west country pasty muncher to be checking out but our eyes are drawn to the Middle East and the Abu Dhabi Grand Prix.

As the dismal UK summer draws to a close and the chill evening air of autumn begins to creep through the unsealed doors of Chez Pasty our thoughts have turned to holidays – unlike the sx pistols I DO want a holiday in the sun, as I, like many others feel cheated of summer in the UK – so much for talk of arbeque summer and idillyic camping holidays.  Thanks to the 2009 Met office epic fail I’m down several hundred quid having splashed out on not so cheap camping equipment which has only seen the grey light of a day or two before packing up the tent and stuffing the camping gear in the boot of the care and off to a bit of lovely luxury in glorious five star hotel accomodation – and that was just during a short trip to Wales.

The hunt is on for travel further a field – anyone seen my camel?

Abu Dhabi – Guaranteed Sunshine

Abu Dhabi the poor relation to Dubai is set to become the must go destination later this year when it is host the the (trademark alert) first ever Formula 1™ Etihad Airways Abu Dhabi Grand Prix.

The Abu Dhabi Grand Prix 2009 is the final race of the season and although not being a Formula 1 fan particularly this event has caught our attention as it ticks many boxes in what we look for in a holiday – obviously sunshine but also the thrill of staying in one of the extrodinary luxury hotels that have been built within the Yas Marina Circuit – some of which span the race track.

Formula 1 Motorsport in Abu Dhabi

Formula 1 is associated with opulence and excess so what better location to hold the concluding race of the 2009 season than in a brand spanking new resort built by an oil rich country with the focus on impressing the world.  Although tickets  to the Abu Dhabi Grand Prix are not especially expensive, only difficult to buy trackside tickets in advance online and hotel tariffs are acceptable (considering the standard of the rooms and impeccable service, you can pick up some amazing cheap flight deals to Abu Dhabi and nearby Dubai.  The national airline of United Arab Emirates, Etihad, offer return flights to Abu Dhabi from three hundred pounds – London Heathrow.  Incidently the Etihad website (a very black place) identifies the taxes contained within this (over half the fare on cheap flights).

Abu Dhabi Grand Prix Pit Babes

My personal concern is for the notorious Pit Babes – Arab resorts are becoming a little more tolerant of western visitors but how I wonder will the Pit Babes go down with the respectable Abu Dhabi Grand Prix promoters?

A terrible threat looms this summer – 2009 may become known as “the year of the great European car hire shortage”.

Check up to date car hire availability accross Europe online at easyCar

An unexpected side effect of the economic down turn this year has resulted in early reports of a car hire shortage throughout Europe. Places most likely to suffer most from the shortage of hire cars will be popular holiday destinations in Europe especially Spain where car hire companies have cut fleet sizes to reduce operating costs.

Popular locations and airport car hire companies all expect demand to exceed supply but are resisting the temptation to buy in more cars for rental during the busy summer months because they fear that a falling second hand car market wont allow them to sell on the used hire cars in the volumes they are used to.

Car Hire Shortage.

Whilst many of the leading car rental companies have no solution other than to turn away customers who haven checked car hire availability there are some businesses who should do well from the shortage of hire cars – car rental brokers.

Car hire brokers don’t actually have any vehicles – instead they specialise in finding cars for their customers from other third party rental companies. Brokers have excellent relationships with many small independant car hire companies throughout Europe and are confident that they will be able to secure cars even at short notice.

Car shortages in Spain

By far the most popular European destination for UK holiday makers is Spain and the fact that people return year after year makes the market for car hire in Spain one of the biggest in Europe.  Although the public transport system in Spain is adequate – see previous post about Malaga Bus Station the attraction of hiring a car to give you the freedom to explore is high.

If you are planning to visit Spain and don’t want to be disappointed by either lack of choice or indeed lack of availability due to the hire car shortage then consider checking various websites to secure an advance booking.

Car Hire Price Increase?

In fact there have been suggestions that if the demand for hire cars cannot be met rental firms will hike the prices so it may be worth considering booking now even if you haven’t got the full trip details worked out.  When we last looked the prices offered on the main websites were still cheap – Spain has enjoyed cheap motoring for many years – but with the current exchange rate abd the threat of price increases it may be worth buying now  – if the hire car shortage takes hold  it is unlikey that any better deals will come along.

Funchal – capital of Madeira – offers a wide range of facilities for visitors many of which are mature UK holiday makers for whom quick and easy access to good quality public conveniences is very important.

Here is a hand picked personal selection of well rated loos in the town of Funchal – all free, clean and central.

Essential Guide to Public toilets in Funchal:

1. Blandys Wine Lodge – discover this place and treat yourself to an hours tour followed by an excellent value for money wine tasting.  The loos are within access from a cobbled lane within the Visitor Centre but open for all for a top stop for daytime doings.
2. Funchal Market – this delightful old building is crammed with vibrant colours of the flower, fruit and veg stalls is set on two floors.  Visiting the surprisingly modern bogs upstairs gives an opportunity to peer down at the fresh fish market below.
3. Café Teatro (next to Municipal Theatre) Cool joint but scary stainless steel surroundings – great for a late night stop off.
4. Madeira Story Centre – short distance from the Cable Car station – the cafe adjoining the multimedia interactive Madeira Story Centre has small but stylish loos. It was noted that you could make a rear entry into the Centre and avoid admission charges to the exhibition.
5. Funchal Casino – this ghastly building which is remarkable in that it looks a lot smaller from the inside is ideal for urgent stops on the way back to the ‘hotel zone’ in the west of town.  No admission or membership required.  NB Top Tip – If you don’t understand Portuguese DON’T try to play the video poker machines.  It will help sooth the pain if my experience of a watching a 10 Euro note get munched up for a single play helps prevent others from spending a lot more than a penny.

By the smell of many roads and doorways being caught short for a wee is not a problem in Funchal however when it comes to a more serious Number Twos and big jobs then you might want to seek out privacy, comfort and cleanliness

Seasonal Special – During Funchal’s New Year celebration one of the world’s biggest firework displays fills the whole bay.  During the distraction of son et lumiere you can drop em anywhere without any liklihood of discovery.

Ordinarily I prefer to adopt the stance that if you have nothing good to say about something then its better to say nothing at all.  However the Confortel Hotel Seville forces an exception to this.

Being fortunate enough to have the opportunity of a short, much needed, mid-winter break the bargins available for hotels in Spain became irresistable. Four star hotels in major spanish cities and resorts up for grabs at 49 euros for the room – none of this stupid English Per Person rates – although these prices tended not to include breakfast which I consider an essential element to stays in hotels.  Checking the helpful comments on the Laterooms website a frequent complaint was about the poor value for money some hotel breakfasts offered.  Unfortunately there were no user comments about the Seville Confortel – watch that space.

The decision to book the Confortel in Seville was primarily drive by visiting one of its sister hotels during the summer at Fuengirola.  The Confortel Fuengirola came included in a package deal and it was truely outstanding – putting many of the other Costa Del Sol hotels to shame. Stylish decor, seafront location, spacious balcony, superb staff and marvelous munchtastic breakfasts all made the stay thoroughly enjoyable.  Expectations for the Seville hotel were high.

So what was wrong with the Confortel Seville?

• The room was tiny and the lack of space exascerbated by the deep purple walls and curious “modern” panel above the bed.
• A superb LG LCD TV sat handsomely on the desk – however all available channels had terrible reception – a ruse to encourage pay per view methinks.
• The bathroom (no bath) had been squeezed into a stud partitioned recess but had no extractor fan.  The shower head was fixed and did a wonderful job of spraying half the floor.  Dank, dingey and damp – had the stay been longer I would have set off some salad cress and brought in a mushroom kit.
• The offer of free internet connection was only actually available to those who brought their own wifi laptops to tap into the free hub along with them on their holiday.
• The foyer stank of poo!

It gets worse 

A redeeming breakfast would surely smooth the wrinkles of discontent? Not in the Confortel Seville it didn’t.  The tiny buffet area had a tall stand with a full coloured picture of a plate piled high with traditional cooked breakfast items – scrumptious. Imagine my surprise when mine arrived it was no more than two fried eggs on a bed of wet lettuce.  No Bacon, no sausage, no beans, no mushrooms just 2 eggs with wet lettuce.  My suggestion that someone pop out to the local Supermercardo “El Corte Inglis” and do a bit of shopping was ignored.

Eventually the waitress dutifully asked me to sigh for the meals…..30 euros for 2 meagre, shoody breakfasts – I circled the amount and added ??? in the hope it would be noted on check out.

Checking Out – Confortel Seville Style

Surely it is a “smart” policy to at least enquire if the stay was at least satisfactory – continual feedback is important for the service industry – were there any problems (yep) and also what did they do right is essential to help the business maintain and improve its service.  The front desk was manned by a preening young man – clearly more bothered about the appearance of his over gelled hair.  He continued to chat to a colleague whilst the bill was prepared, slid it towards me, retrieved it with payment all without even catching my eye.

Total bill for 2 nights stay and one so called breakfast 215 euros – confortel seville – blow your three stars – DONT GO THERE.

By the way, Seville was wonderful.